I first want to apologize for not posting for a very very long time. Life has been INSANE!
On Christmas eve morning my grandmother (Frances Mitchell) died. This was actually a blessing. She had a stroke in March of 2011 and really never was the same. She couldn't see very well out of one eye after the stroke and had word finding issues which was nothing like the woman I knew and loved my entire life.
On Christmas eve morning my grandmother (Frances Mitchell) died. This was actually a blessing. She had a stroke in March of 2011 and really never was the same. She couldn't see very well out of one eye after the stroke and had word finding issues which was nothing like the woman I knew and loved my entire life.
This is a picture of my grandmother when she was in high school. As I mentioned in my last post, this is one of the pictures in my wallet that helps me remember who I am and where I came from.
It's odd though, on the eve of becoming a mother myself it's like I feel this shift in my family. My mother has moved into the grandmother role, I am the mother and Stella is now the granddaughter. I mentioned this to my Mom and she said she felt it too.
After getting back into town after my grandmother's funeral I ran out of checks. I was ordering new ones with my new address (since we also moved, yay). I had to call because of the address change and the woman asked "Do you want Emily Frances Hawkins on your checks or just Emily Hawkins?" I said "I want Emily Frances because I am Emily Frances." I think I freaked the lady out but it"s really how I feel.
What I haven't told you is my grandmother always had a special relationship with children. They loved her so much and she truly was a baby whisperer. Funny enough on Christmas eve, after she passed away, my family gathered for my 2nd cousin's (once removed) 1st birthday. My mother of course was struggling the most but put her brave face on. William (the birthday boy) sat on the floor to open his gifts and after 1 gift was opened, stood up, walked to my mom's chair, pulled up on her and smiled and hugged her. Not just once, he kept smiling and laughing and looking at her. My mom is not a baby person and she hasn't spent a large amount of time with William so this whole episode wasn't lost on our family. I know my grandmother was there, speaking to the smallest family member and asking him to comfort my mother.
I thought when she passed away I would feel this huge void in my life because she was such a larger than life person. But actually I feel her in me always. In every choice I make and everything I do I realize she touched my life and molded me into the person I am. I also like to think that she passed away so she could meet Stella before I did. Now there's a part of her in Stella.
Grandmuddee, if you are talking to Stella can you tell her to be a good sleeper please? :-)
After getting back into town after my grandmother's funeral I ran out of checks. I was ordering new ones with my new address (since we also moved, yay). I had to call because of the address change and the woman asked "Do you want Emily Frances Hawkins on your checks or just Emily Hawkins?" I said "I want Emily Frances because I am Emily Frances." I think I freaked the lady out but it"s really how I feel.
What I haven't told you is my grandmother always had a special relationship with children. They loved her so much and she truly was a baby whisperer. Funny enough on Christmas eve, after she passed away, my family gathered for my 2nd cousin's (once removed) 1st birthday. My mother of course was struggling the most but put her brave face on. William (the birthday boy) sat on the floor to open his gifts and after 1 gift was opened, stood up, walked to my mom's chair, pulled up on her and smiled and hugged her. Not just once, he kept smiling and laughing and looking at her. My mom is not a baby person and she hasn't spent a large amount of time with William so this whole episode wasn't lost on our family. I know my grandmother was there, speaking to the smallest family member and asking him to comfort my mother.
I thought when she passed away I would feel this huge void in my life because she was such a larger than life person. But actually I feel her in me always. In every choice I make and everything I do I realize she touched my life and molded me into the person I am. I also like to think that she passed away so she could meet Stella before I did. Now there's a part of her in Stella.
Grandmuddee, if you are talking to Stella can you tell her to be a good sleeper please? :-)
You are Emily Frances! I love it. I will always think of you as Emily Frances Hortina. (Sorry Darren...) Your grandma was awesome-she gave me those books for my room, remember? I know it is such a difficult/sort of bittersweet time but you are so right that she is always with you. And, i firmly believe that she is hanging out with Stella getting her ready for the world. I see them sitting up there, possibly she has just left the swimming with my Nanny, and she is telling Stella, "You see that one down there....that's YOUR MOMMY! Yes...you're right. You are lucky!" Love you!
ReplyDeleteThis was beautiful. Melissa's comment is way better than mine is going to be, so I want to just echo her. Grandmuddee is absolutely hanging out with Nanny and talking to Stella about the amazing life, full of fun (and sleep!) she is going to have. I am pretty sure I just heard her whisper something about "the best godmother in the world."..but I can't be sure.
ReplyDeleteLOVE you. LOVE you as Emily Frances. I have heard so much about your grandmother, and I feel touched by her life, too.
Oh, Emily - this made me cry. I love that family is such a huge part of your life, that means it will be for Stella, too, and that is so important. Good luck with the last few weeks before the little angel arrives!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about your sweet grandmother. I loved your comment about the changing of roles. Oh so true. Look forward to reading more and hope you are doing and feeling well!
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