2012 Highlights

So I'm obviously abandoning my attempt to try to capture every Saturday in Stella's life. I now realize that's impossible. Plus, not everything in the world happens on a Saturday. It's the fun/sad/crazy moments that are the ones you want to remember right? (by sad I mean "my baby's growing up" sniff sniff)  And those usually happen on a random Tuesday or something. So I'm going to attempt in this last post of the year (and some of you may be saying "your only post this year", no I had like 7 okay...ha ha) to remember the BEST moments of my life in 2012. You may want to go pee, eat something and bring a drink back, this sucker's going to be long.

Our House

January 1st we moved into our house. I love our house. It is seriously a fairytale house and neighborhood where I want my babies to grow up. I have a nightmare once a month that involves us moving, I usually wake up very sad. Odd, yes. Apparently you know you're old when you're nightmares no longer consist of monsters but of moving vans....weird

My Stella

March 27th was pretty awesome. I still can't believe that really happened. I look at her daily and think it's crazy that she ever existed inside of me. It's just so unfathomable to me. It's also odd to me because she's actually nice. Anyone who knows me knows I'm not that nice. Well not nice enough to deserve this sweet angel.  Even at her sickest she still tries so hard to smile. Who does that? I don't. I bitch and moan and I'm difficult. Not Stella. God, I don't know what I did to deserve this perfect piece of sunshine and breath fresh air in my life but thanks.  

    

Easter. Easter was right after Stella was born and the very last day my parents were in town. The last day anyone was going to be home with me. The last day before I was alone with Stella. Can you tell how truly terrified I was....yes terrified. I also had a migraine headache and my hormones were in full swing at this point so I wanted to cry basically all day...and I think I did. I also thought I lost my timer at one point.(I had a timer for feeding/changing/which breast I was on, it was awesome...you don't want to lose something so precious, I was starting to understand Lord of the Rings) I found it in Stella's room (did I mention my hormones were crazy). The funny thing is I don't remember the next day at all. It obviously was a non event because I don't remember anything crazy occurring. I guess it's true, you truly do build things up in your mind to be larger than they should be.

My Mother

Wow, that first little bit home with Stella would have been very rough without her. Her calmness, her patience. I got it. If I kept that composure all would be well. Damn, Moms are always right. During this year I have kept her in my thoughts daily (no she didn't die, this is all happy). She's always been in my head, I think all of us hear our mothers from time to time in there. But this year she's been loud and clear. It's almost like Karate Kid (yes, the worst metaphor in the world is about to happen) when Daniel learns to fight and finds out it's all about painting the fence. My mother spent the last 30 years preparing me for the world and motherhood. Slowly these lessons have come up again and again but more so in 2012 with the entrance of this parenting business. Patience, don't over react, plan, make a list, read and learn everything you can, sleep (can I get an AMEN on this one), be thoughtful to others, maintain the package. This last one your Mom may not have shared with you and for that I'm sorry. Here's a little Ann Horton wisdom for anyone who didn't grow up with my Mom. Take care of yourself! Duh! What an easy thing right? Not so much when someone enters your life who you would do anything for. BUT if you don't take care of you first then everything falls apart. So, every day I was on maternity leave I took a shower, did my hair and wore makeup. I may not have done this until 2PM but still, it was done DAILY. It made me feel human. I also napped. I felt the best I've ever felt because I made sure I was maintaining my package. It's hard to tell in the picture below but I'm actually well rested (no, you have to look up, past the huge jugs, I could have fed a small country of children)

 My Mom had a very extensive back surgery in October that has a recovery time of 1 year. Yes, 1 year! She is powering through with good meds and physical therapy but it's been hard on her. I don't think anyone on Earth could tolerate this better though. She made it down for Stella's christening this past weekend walking on a cane! I'm impressed! Seriously most people are still in wheelchairs at this point. My Mom's a true bad ass with great style and jewelry to boot.

Working out

In my quest to maintain the package (and get energy) I embarked on a workout regimen of at least 5 days a week. It started with some yoga and Pilate's and it spun into Jillian Michaels body revolution (6 days a week). LOVE LOVE LOVE this. No, I don't love every day of it but I love how I feel afterward. I love having my mornings to myself to recharge and focus on something physically hard (I'm talking about lifting weights get your mind out of the gutter) before I tackle something mentally hard. To watch the sun rise over the lake while I'm getting my ass kicked. It's just such a rush. I usually drive to work listening to AC/DC I'm so amped (after I've dropped Stella off of course). I also look ridiculous when I work out because I'm a huge sweater (not the Bill Cosby kind, the running in your eyes kind). So I wear a beautiful white sweat band to combat this and look super stylish. (NOT)  Even after all of this though, the middle of my stomach hasn't gotten the memo yet. The sides look great though. Maybe I'll take pictures behind people from now on so only my sides show...hmm, this isn't a bad thought.

Old Friends

Although the workouts are awesome I knew I couldn't do this alone. So my old friend from high school joined me in my crusade to fight the fat and works out every morning with me. She's in middle TN so we email daily to keep each other motivated and talk about how awful a workout is. The truly wonderful thing about all of this has been that we have reconnected and she is my first thought in the mornings, my go to for advice (she has 3 kids), my go to for a good bitch fest, my everything (isn't that a Barry White song?) Without Jen Crandall 2012 would have really been hard and the side of my abs would probably look like the middle so here's to you Mrs. Crandall. The best workout friend in the world. We started our 3rd time today on Jillian's body revolution (that means we've been at this thing for 6 butt kicking months). She's my rock, and I'm pretty sure after a year of this thing we truly both will be rocks.

Speaking of old friends here are two of my favorites. This picture is super old as the tiny baby in the middle is literally a week away from turning 3. But I wanted both of them in the shot so that's the picture you get. Oh wait, I think I have a newer one.

That's better, blurry but at least more recent. These two ladies did an amazing job of preparing me for Stella. Between registering for me, answering all of my crazy texts, (I think the first 3 weeks of Stella's life I texted Nicole every morning to tell her how Stella slept, Sorry Nicole but thank you for being there) and just being the best friends I always knew they were they have cemented the friendship thing for sure. Melissa is a huge success and was recently promoted to assistant principal! Because of this she hasn't actually met Stella but I keep forgetting this because she sends little notes, books, gifts all the time. Plus we talk and text weekly so I feel like she's seen her, only when SHE mentions it do I even think "oh yeah, that's right". Now that I'm a Mom I think I understand both of them better. I knew we were always close but now I get the "I have 5 minutes let me fold this laundry while we talk and I make a grocery list" mentality that they both posses. I love it!!

They also came up with this great name for the hormone change that you get right after a baby (day 4 usually). It's called "the bad feeling". And that is the best description I have ever heard. Baby blues is a terrible term...that implies some lullaby or the pastel color. The bad feeling is much more apt. They both were there when it set in. I remember texting them and saying "the bad feeling". That was it and they were both texting back "YES, you feel alone even when people are around, you want to cry but have no reason."  I'm so happy someone understood.

Poor Darren couldn't understand why I was watching him weed our yard from our bedroom and I started to cry because I felt so lucky to have him in my life. Oh yeah, it's just that weird.

Halloween

Stella was the cutest bug in the whole wide world this year. I loved buying an over priced costume because I had to have it for her. I mean really, if you don't smile after these pictures then you are dead inside.

When we got these pictures made Darren decided to fly her around like a bee. She took it very seriously and we ended up with one of my favorite pictures ever. Look at the pure love on his face compared to her serious flying face.

And here's one of me so you know I truly exist. Well the top of my head anyway. I have a hard time not kissing Stella. Don't most Mom's have this issue? I think she's actually saying "help me".

The actual night of Halloween Stella was sick so we put her to bed early. By sick I mean she had a stuffy nose and was sleepy. We didn't find out what real sick was until Thanksgiving. I digress (shocker). Darren was worried that the doorbell would wake Stella up so we sat outside on the front stoop, handed out candy and talked. It was actually really fun. We talked about Halloween costumes we'd worn in years past, friends, old relationships, you name it we talked about it. Funny how a little kid being sick brings you closer together.

Thanksgiving and the Cat

Stella's first illness and the Cat...where to begin. Remember me posting about the forgotten child? Well, she decided she didn't like being forgotten so she began crapping on our living room and dining room rugs instead of her litter box. At first we just bought some boundary spray and chalked it up to wanting attention. Then she started doing it EVERY DAY. Then on Thanksgiving she decided to poop on the rug in the dining room within minutes of Darren cleaning up her last poop. Yeah, that wasn't smart. Darren then chased her around the house yelling everything under the sun (Stella was napping and didn't hear anything). It was very Bobby/Whitney except no one was beaten and drugs weren't involved. Needless to say by the end of the night she came out of hiding and was thrown outside where she now lives. She has a beautiful bed from the dollar store and all the cat food a cat would want. She also looks confused daily as to why she's outside. She reminds me so much of my first husband.

Stella on the other hand ended up in urgent care the day after Thanksgiving because we decided she could barely breath. Funny enough, after sitting in urgent care for almost 2 hours we see a doctor and Stella was all smiles and actually laughed....the doctor basically looked at us like we were crazy and gave us a prescription for a very low dose of amoxicillin. (a side note, Darren ended up at the doctor's office later the next week when Stella's fever hadn't gone away, she got the high dose Amoxilcillin that time).  Note to self Stella, if you're sick, act sick when the doctor walks in....just sayin'.  She was running a pretty high fever in this picture....I mean really?

This was our first real illness with our girl so we learned a lot about doctors, our baby and changing plans. We were supposed to visit my Aunt and Uncle in Athens,TN but cancelled at the last minute due to Stella's illness. I hate plans changing but with a baby you just roll with the punches and hope you don't get shit on.

Christmas and Uncle Matt

Magical looking huh? That's because there are no vomit action shots. Stella is already in her 2nd pair of PJs of the morning by this time.  She could barely eat because anything eaten would just come straight back up. Our house basically looked like we were performing an exorcism. Stella of course was Linda Blair. We spent the day cleaning up vomit and hoping for a doctor's appointment the next day. Darren also had an ear infection (still has the infection) so no one was very happy.

I do want to note that everything Stella received from Darren and me this year was from the dollar store and she loved it. Although we had many friends give waaay better gifts to her that she really plays with. But Dollar Tree still kicks ass.

On a happier note my brother flew in that day and seemed to lighten the mood a bit. Stella was shy at first, which was odd as she's never been that way around anyone, maybe it was the illness.  She warmed up to him quickly (they met before but she was 3 months, then 5 months old so it's not like she remembered).

By the next day these two were inseparable.  As we waited at the doctor she wouldn't let him go. It was so awesome to see this sweet bond build between them.

After the doctor we went to Kroger to fill Stella's prescription. Stella had fallen asleep in the back seat so Matt said he would wait with her in the car. By the time I came out he was sitting in the back seat holding her while they played. He almost didn't want to put her back in her car seat. For a guy who doesn't have kids this was pretty impressive. He even went back to the pediatrician a few days later for her 9 month well baby checkup. What a trooper! And Stella loved Uncle Matt so much. We can't wait for another visit.

My Mother In Law

I guess there are people out there who hate their mothers-in-law. I am not one of those people. My mother-in-law is AMAZING! She moved here to be with Stella this year! Which meant our family now had a plan B if Stella was too sick for day care. She has also stayed over when Darren and I wanted to go out. For my work Christmas party she actually got up with Stella the next day too! She's kind, considerate and actually asks before she does anything. I have learned so much from her on how to be a good grandmother. The way she looks at Stella I know she would fight to the death for that baby girl.

I didn't know Linda that well until she moved here. Now I could tell her anything. She is truly good people.   I feel so blessed to have her in my life and 10 miles up the road. :-)

Darren

Where do I begin on this one? Have you ever heard that song "And I thought I loved you then?" well that sums up this guy.  When I married Darren I thought I loved him and felt blessed to have found him. Now I think, man I was really stupid, I had no idea how much deeper and all consuming that love would get as we embarked on the parenting journey together. Darren got up with me for EVERY feeding until Stella was 3 months old and I finally told him to stop. Honestly I needed him there with me at 3AM at first to sit there and make me feel less alone but I never once asked him to get up with me, nor did I suggest he get up. In fact I told him every night to just sleep. It's like he knew I needed him there.

I also never knew I would have such an in depth conversation with him about shit. Consistency, color, location (you know what I'm talking about, was it outside of the diaper or only in the diaper). Funny enough we have this same conversation about snot too. Oh yes, we are truly in love. ha ha ha. But seriously you can only talk about bodily functions with someone you truly love and care about.

Every cold, fever, runny nose, dirty diaper, bottle making, starting solids, pulling up, drooling, throwing up, spitting up, first words, bath time, good night. This man is there. We call it the tag team. When one of us gets home from a business trip inevitably the other sings the "tag team back again" line because we both know this crazy parenting thing doesn't work with just a Darren or just an Emily. We rely on each other for everything. 

Before Stella was born everyone told me that once the baby got here Darren and I would start resenting each other and the baby would drive a wedge between us. So I thought I would write him a letter to tell him how much I loved him while I still felt love for him. Ha! In the letter I included the lyrics to this song because it's how we've always been. Now after Stella I still feel the exact same way.

You know at the beginning of this post how I talked about having a nightmare about losing my house. Well I have to confess I randomly have a nightmare about losing Darren too. I guess it's my minds way of saying savor this, soak it all in, don't let it get away.  

It's now 7 minutes to midnight and I'm going to stop typing to make my new year's eve deadline I gave myself.

Happy New Year!